David Hyde has sent me this glorious (and topical) bit of verbiage. As he says, it highlights a common problem: that when ordinary, sensible people are given the task of creating public communications, they often feel a pressure to speak in this sort of highly complex, formal language.
Rather than begin with the real warning, the author kicks off with a rather redundant bit of background. ‘As a result of the prevailing weather conditions…’ The fact that this sign is outside, and that everyone in the country is well up to speed on the prevailing weather conditions, is not apparently an issue.
Buried in the middle of the sentence is the important information that everything’s very slippery. And then, right at the end (albeit in red), is the actual imperative. And even that’s several words too long.
This sort of writing is bad at any time. It’s especially unwelcome in a warning.
Imagine being a soldier at war, and one of your comrades yelling, ‘In these uncertain times of conflict and violence, you may encounter men ready and willing to take your life by means of a firearm. And there’s one right behind you.’
In your final moments, it would be difficult not to feel a twinge of resentment.
Alternatives? There would be a few ways to do this, I imagine, but the one thing it ought to be is short.
There are two things to say: Everything’s slippery, and Take care. We can do it in so few words that the order becomes almost irrelevant. BEWARE: ICY SURFACES, perhaps. Or, SLIPPERY SURFACES: TAKE CARE. It’s so short, you take it in all at once. And you’ve got time to read it before stepping onto the sheet of black ice just beyond it.
Filed under: Contributions, Verbiage
Reminds me of the road sign “Slippery when wet.” — Laura (at http://terriblywrite.wordpress.com)
Thanks Laura – just looked at your site. You are one thorough reader. Added you to the Blogroll.