I’d like some fresh punctuation, if that’s not too much trouble.

(Click to see it bigger if it’s a bit weeny.)

I shan’t insult your intelligence by explaining what’s missing.

I mean, honestly.

Filed under: Punctuation

Twelfth Night, Section 4, Paragraph 3a

Some time ago, I put this horrible sign on my Flickr. I should have remembered it for this blog, but I didn’t.

Now fellow copywriter Tim Rich has used it for his blog. And said all the right things. So you might as well just read him.

Filed under: Downright ugly, Tone of voice, Verbiage

Sleeping comfortably? Then I’ll begin.

Not content with upsetting celebrity food writers via this blog, reader Stephen Green (of Greenfisher) has sent me this label from the Coleman sleeping bag his wife bought recently.

If you can’t read the notes on the label, Stephen’s kindly supplied a transcript:

The temperature ratings of our sleeping bags are based on tests which comply to the temperature rating protocols of the European Standard (EN 13537-4.3.3 Manikin* Methodology only).

The definitions, provided according to the European Standard, are:

Comfort: Lower limit of comfort range down to which a sleeping bag used with a relaxed posture, such as lying on the back, is globally in thermal equilibrium and just not feeling cold. Related to a standard woman and in standard conditions of use.

Limit: Lower limit at which a sleeping bag user with a rolled-up body posture is globally in thermal equilibrium and just not feeling cold. Related to a standard man and in standard conditions of use.

Extreme: Lower extreme temperature where the risks of health damage by hypothermia occurs. Related to a standard woman and in standard conditions of use.

Coleman® suggests to follow the “Comfort” temperature.

*Note: during the tests, the manikin is dressed with jacket, trousers and long socks, lying on an insulating mattress – sleeping bag fully closed.

So that’s all clear then. As long as you’re a ‘standard man’ or a ‘standard woman’, of course. Or possibly a ‘manikin.’

Filed under: Confusing, Contributions, Jargon, microcopy, Verbiage

Don’t try to pretend this is an accident

Credit for spotting this one from Reuters goes to Doug Bebb, Web Editor at the NSPCC. Thanks Doug.

‘Nuff said, really, except that I find it difficult to believe this wasn’t written with a knowing titter.

As Doug says in his email, it’s reminiscent of that famous (if disputed) bit of Brian Johnston commentary, when he apparently announced during a 1976 Test match that, ‘The batsman’s Holding, the bowler’s Willey.’ The things words will do to you if you don’t keep an eye on them. Shocking.

Well, anyway, it’s lunchtime now, so I’m off for a hot roll with the wife. Cheerio!

Filed under: Contributions, Double meanings

Assume the position

This tiny bit of microcopy on a Virgin Media ad in Spotify made me smile.

The caption says, Rollover for legals.

I guess at some point in our lives we’re all asked to do that, in one way or another.

Filed under: Amusing tangents, microcopy